By Paige Clark
From a young age our parents try to instill the basis of rights and wrongs in us with hopes we will take these morals as our own and join society as a decent person.
But, as I got older I began to realize that sometimes the rules of morality my six-year-old self lived by did not always match up to those of my parents.
For one, I was told to never ever tell a lie.
We’re adults. Adults lie. And while buck toothed and bowl cut, six-year-old Paige didn’t always understand it, I am beginning to now.
My parents lied to me. And they definitely get some bonus points for creativity. Here are the best lies my parents told me.
1. I have Santa Clause’s number.
Whenever my sister and I would be misbehaving my parents would pull out their phone and threaten Christmas joy. My dad gets extra bonus points because he climbed on the roof to simulate reindeer hoofs, so we believed and the threat was real.
2. You’re brain is melting.
Small children do not cry. They ugly cry, with snot running out of their nose faster than Niagara Falls. And usually, they cry for the dumbest reasons – dumber than Kardashian reasons. To counteract this, my father told me the snot running out of my nose was my brain melting and I was losing brain cells and wouldn’t get into college if I kept it up. Thus, the ugly cry for no reason ceased to exist.
3. Alligators live in the pond.
Growing up, there was a pond behind our house. To ensure my safety, my father scared me. He told me there were adult alligators in the pond who loved to eat children and I was never to go near the pond without him. Smart, until he moved away and I lied away in my bed scared the alligators were coming for me.
My parents also lied about witches, Lake Erie being made of Nesquick, magical coffee mugs, and other therapy worthy topics.
And while at the time I lived in fear of alligators or losing brain cells, I can see the end result of these lies. And I will definitely be telling these little lies to my future children.